Top 10

well i meant Helpicantfly's but yours was equal but it was inserted posthumously.

3. play thud in the snow with numb hands(if only there were snow)

2)play with a blowtorch

1. do what that guy does in the guiness advert and dive underneath the ice for bottles of beer.

or like that guy who swam across the english channel,crazy fool

which one? there appear to have been multiple including I believe at least one woman.

David Walliams?

is there a new top 10 of things?

there can be now...

i put it to you:

top ten things to do with a bedsheet

10)sleep under it

well I'd say use it as a ghost outfit and scare people in order to get the KKK from taking this spot...but to show defference to Ook's sleeping habits I shall say...Sleep OVER it

8)use it as a nappy(that was for you sgt L)

7) use it as a parachute in case of terrorist attack on your house

so you live in the sky?

7) use it as a parachute in case you "fall" from a tall building

ahh the twin towers incident eh

"You know how it is with twins...one twin gets and airoplane, the other twin wants an airoplane"

seriously how many times had the spelling of that changed? from aeroplaine?

use it to hide from creatures who believe if you can';t see them, then they can;t see you.

i understood the first part of that,but the last part is a mystery to me

A) the spelling of the word airoplane has changed a lot and not even i cvan spellit now

B) douglas adams in the hitchhicer's guide... wrote of a creature who likes to eat people but a towel can save you since if you put it on your head its logic will come to the conclusion that if you can't see it, it can't see you and will then lose interest.

oh,the principal of 'if i can't see you then you can't see me' eh?it's been proven,you know

well it's not ENTIRELY true, i can see you if you can't see me if you're head is bigger and mine is smaller (tautology for you) and i can see the side of your head around the wall but you can;t see mine because it's closer to my eyes so i don;t need to expose it as much etc. but yeah,...

5. To smuggle your latest victim out of your house in a removal van

this is a joke ok do not want to offend any one !!!!!
4:use it to dress up as a member of the k.k.klan
again this is only for fun o.k
they are very nasty people !!!!!
DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY.

3: use it to flee from Anatefca.

Anatefca?

2: use it to escape from prison!well there all do it on t.v

1)use it as a nappy(don't ask why,i couldn't think of anything that was funny enough)

Top ten things not to do at a funeral:

10) Get out a stethoscope and put it against the coffin, to listen for sounds of life

MS

9. sing merry christmas

8)lean over the pew to say to the deceased's wife.

"so who's wedding is this then?"

Anatefca was a village full of Jews (I believe) in fidler on the roof and they had to flee when the russians turned around to kill them

7) get the name wrong as you are giving a speach about the deceased

Hide in the coffin and jump out on the relatives to suprise them for a joke

5)use the deceased in your ventriloquism act to uplift the hearts of the deceased's family

4) reposses the coffin to pay for the deceased's gamboling debts...and repo his clothes for the bank

3)(It can be 1) but...)You are the lover of his wife...

2)"wheres the food table?"

1)This is a bank robbery

top 10 things to do with shoes

10)throw them at people

9) If they're old shoes, declare (in the style of the Iraqi Information Minister), that the American and British invading forces are less valuable than said footwear.

What a man

MS

8. use them to drink out of !!!!!
"touch my food
feel my fork"

8)take your shoe off your foot in a public place(train,etc)and ask people if they can smell what you stepped in.

7.Eat them!

6)Give them to me and buy you a nother one!!!

place a tack in each and let an agreeable opponent walk a mile in them

what are you trying to tell me sgt L?

4)wear them on your hands and walk on your hands,or something

3: wear them whilst joining the 'ankh-morpork times' newspaper team where you can write an article of your choice for fun, join now by sending me a PM

i may have advertised a bit ther

what are you agreeing to ook?

2) strip the leather off and glue it to a cow as reparations for the injustice done to its bretheren

i aint agreeing to nothing(does that mean i'm agreeing to something?)

1)take the shoes and wear them on your ears(i don't know why,but i've always wanted to do that)

I've got an idea:

Top Ten 'Man Rules',

things that men who are insecure about their manliness can and cannot do, I'll start this one off as its tricky

1) Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella